White Chicks-Yo Mama Jokes

Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills.
Megan Vandergeld: It's the Beverly Ho-Billies.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me?
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn't?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I'm sorry, but uhm... we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office
[laughs]
Marcus Copeland: A klept-ho-maniac!
[laughs]
Megan Vandergeld: [arrogantly] Your mother shops at Saks.
Marcus Copeland: [indignantly]
[as Tiffany Wilson]
Marcus Copeland: What?
[the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers]
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It's mother time, okay! Your mother's so dumb she went to Dr Dre for a Pap smear! "Something's wrong, Dr Dre! My coochie's doing a beatbox!"
Heather Vandergeld: Well yea? Your mother's so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something!
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother's so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this:
[blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh]
Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like... She's so...
[to Megan]
Heather Vandergeld: Megan you go!
Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney's Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a 'ni-coise' salad. 'Ni-coise' salad, right?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother's ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, "Only in America!"

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Like my father's come to pass, seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars;
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.

As my memory rests,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars;
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.

As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Like my father's come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up,
When September ends.
Wake me up,
When September ends.
Wake me up,
When September ends....

10 Simple Tips for Beautiful Skin

Use sunscreen and antioxidants. Applying sunscreen is as essential as brushing your teeth -- summer or winter, rain or shine, 365 days a year. "If you're stepping out the door, this is the absolute most important thing you can do to keep from looking older and to protect yourself against skin cancer.

Exfoliate selectively. Do it -- but don't overdo it. Exfoliation sloughs away dead skin cells, smooths fine lines, and improves skin texture and tone. 

Feed your face. Good skin care starts from the inside out. Eat healthfully: Omega-3 fatty acids found in salmon and walnuts fight wrinkle-causing inflammation; citrus fruits and spinach enhance collagen production.

Stress less. Easier said than done, we know, but stress not only affects your sanity -- it affects your face. A 2004 study by the University of California at San Francisco found that chronic stress affects your body at the cellular level, speeding deterioration.